Halloween Week...

Outside of Class

It's Halloween week and Fall Break all in one week! I love Halloween! Unfortunately, as it happens every Fall Break, I have a lot to do next week in my classes, so I won't have much time for anything this weekend or next week, though I think me and my roommates are going to have a horror movie night to celebrate this weekend. I even had to get the Gita blog post out of the way early so I won't get too bogged down next week. No getting drunk or partying for me! I'll try to squeeze in some yoga when I can alongside my classes, especially since it'll help me de-stress and feel better. It's starting to enter into the kind of weather that I like, too, so I'll be able to find moments to just go outside, listen to some music, and enjoy some time alone and at peace.

In my other yoga class, for Halloween, she gave us candy at the end, and we tried out a sort of yoga-workout routine with small weights. Not my favorite thing to do, but it definitely worked me out. Kind of made me glad I only had just that one yoga class for the day. We also practiced the tree pose while standing on our blocks (the blue foam blocks), which wasn't actually too bad.

I might look into buying a bolster, since I really like having one for yoga. Plus, I think I would just simply like to have one. Hopefully I can find a cheap one...

I remember when you asked the question about if we feel spiritually connected when practicing yoga. I don't, but when I though about it, I realized that I do feel connected to everyone else in the room while doing yoga. We're all doing the same poses, talking, sharing in our struggles for some poses, and having a good time together, and it makes me feel good. I definitely don't feel too self-conscious anymore. It's not a spiritual connection, but a warm, sort of community connection (as small as our group is) that I think I'm feeling and relishing in each class period. I think that feeling, plus yoga helping to stretch me out and relax me, carries out into the rest of my day every time and is really helping me to feel better this semester.

Bhagavad Gita

   So, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the Gita has been an easy read, especially with the explanations before each chapter. Also, there is apparently a lot of really cool artwork to pick from about the Gita on Google images, like the one above. For some reason, I expected Arjuna to be depicted as younger...
   But I digress. The Gita was an interesting twist on Just War that we've learned about in a couple of our other BIC classes, if that's the perspective you want to take on the Gita. Like it's mentioned, the entire story about Arjuna fighting against the corrupt side of his family and friends could just be one giant metaphor for the internal war within the Self. Arjuna needing to fight against the corruption of the city can be seen as a metaphor for the necessity of fighting any corruption within the pure Self, no matter how hard it might be. Whichever way you see the story, literal or metaphorical, through the interaction between Arjuna and Krishna, you get an old and lasting perspective on the soul, reincarnation, and Vishnu depicted as the sole all-powerful God of the universe. Vishnu, along with his already long list of capabilities that would put any resume to shame, sends down incarnations of himself to bring order back to the world anytime chaos and corruption begins to emerge. Therefore, he plays a big part in guiding Arjuna onto the right path.
   A big part of this, I feel, is Vishnu's form, power, and role in the universe. As explained throughout several chapters, Vishnu is the creator of all life, everything. Every living thing in existence has a piece of Vishnu within them as their soul, and the goal of each soul (or Self) is to reunite and become one with Vishnu for all eternity. If not, it's not the end of the world. It's kind of like playing a video game. If you die, it's not an eternal game over. You just start over and try to play again, and keep trying until you finally win. In the Gita, and the religion revolving around it, reincarnation is a very real thing, which has always been a fascinating idea to me. Instead of just being evaluated and sent to heaven or hell or wherever as soon as you die, you're just evaluated and sent onward into the next life to see if the soul can become closer to achieving enlightenment the next time around. You're given a constant cycle of chances until you hopefully eventually are able to become one with Vishnu. Along the way, Vishnu is taking the form of all kinds of great beings and keeping a careful watch over everything that happens. I found it funny that some of the class saw Krishna's explanation of his true form and powers as being very haughty. I can kind of see where they're coming from, since Krishna is basically saying, "This is why I'm awesome and why you should worship and swear eternal devotion to only me, the reason why you even exist." But, hey, he's a God, all-knowing and all-powerful, so...you know. The concept of Vishnu is really cool, though, I have to say. The depiction of him in the Gita is like giving an unseeable and important life energy all around and inside of us a central form of origin, if that makes sense.
   True enlightenment and union with Vishnu is a very difficult thing to achieve, however. In all honesty, I'm not sure what exactly to think about the sheer amount of control and detachment one has to achieve and maintain for it. From my perspective, it feels like it wouldn't really be worth it, as if detachment will take away from the full experience of things in life, be they sad or happy. However, that's just how I personally feel about it, since I don't know how people who actively practice detachment feel. They might be perfectly happy in that state and perfectly fulfilled in their devotion to their God, and want nothing more. It's just something I don't completely understand but can respect, I guess. If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt others, then why not? The things that the religion and Krishna talks about are good things as well, such as not letting yourself get too swept up in your emotions, not letting material things rule your life, not being an egotistical jerk, and simply being respectful towards and happy for others. Whether you're religious or not, there are a lot of good teachings in religions such as this one. I don't believe in good and bad karma, but I do like the reminder (or even warning) that your action do have consequences, and you or others you care about might not like those consequences if you're not careful.
   Some of the topics the Gita covers evokes some interesting thoughts and questions (as seen through our class discussions that tend to get kind of carried away). I already mentioned this in a previous blog, but the claim in chapter 8 that what you're thinking about (what's most important to you) at the moment of your death is what directs the soul afterwards is something I thought was rather cool. In the end, the point being made was that one should be thinking of and remaining devoted to Vishnu in their last moments. Therefore, one should ensure it happens by starting early - practicing worship of Vishnu and bringing yourself closer to samadhi. It was simply the idea of, along with what happens in your lifespan affecting what happens to your soul afterwards, your last moments and true thoughts are also critical. It makes me wonder what all people are thinking of in their last moments (those who don't die immediately or unexpectedly and have the time to think about things before death), and if that kind of thing really does matter. This idea plays into another idea that chapter 13 sort of brings up. When Vishnu is talking about the "field" being both the body and the mind, it's brought up in the explanation that, essentially, what we are is a result of what we've thought (what we think, we become). This, to me, further explains what chapter 8 was getting at when talking about the importance of what you're thinking about before death. What you think about and believe in influences everything you do and affects your very Self, and it influences what happens to your soul when it is time for it to move on after you pass away. It's applicable to the Christian belief that what you think and believe, and thus how you act, affects what happens to you after death (without the belief in reincarnation). Whether you believe in this kind of idea or not, in a way it can still work as an interesting warning to always be careful in life about what you think and believe and what you do as a result.
   However, one chapter specifically that I didn't agree with and that kind of irritated me was the chapter about how atheists, immoral people, and demons are all lumped together into the same box. Honestly, it just irritated me because it's basically the same prejudice that I've heard re-hashed about atheists over and over again by some religions, most of it completely unfounded and ridiculous. I just don't like it in general when beliefs of any kind are unfairly attacked and stereotyped. In this chapter, alongside completely immoral people and demons, atheists are depicted as utterly sinful, lustful, immoral, and conceited. It's basically showing a total lack of faith in humanity on its own and in humanity's innate ability to empathize by saying that humans are completely morally inept without the guiding hand of God. To me, it's ridiculous to think that if you don't believe in God then that instantly means you only think about you and what's good for you, and that you're only going to do immoral things. I've met people of all kinds of beliefs: Atheist, Agnostic, Christian, Islamic, etc. that were great people, and I've seen that you don't need a written religious code to be a normal, good and empathetic human being that cares about others and wants to do the right thing, though what might be considered "right" is subjective to them. I've also met people that believed in God(s) and knew there was a written moral code (and maybe even tried to follow it to an extent) but were still very hypocritical, conceited, or prejudiced - contrary to what this chapter in the Gita seems to be implying about people who are spiritual and believe in God. There are some very immoral people out there in the world, and then just some people with occasional tendencies to be hypocritical or selfish, that's true (I've definitely had my own fair share of moments like those that I've had to learn from); I just don't like it when religious works like this start making assumptions and accusations towards opposing beliefs. Didn't mean for this to turn into a bit of a rant (and I might just be reading into it too much); this chapter just got to me a little bit.
   Other than that single chapter, though, I did enjoy the Gita and what it had to teach. I like learning and am always open to other beliefs and cultures. During the summer, in a class taught by Dr. Tatum, I was able to learn a lot about the Middle East and the rich and complex culture and religion behind it all, and I really enjoyed it. I feel the same way about this class and what it is teaching me, especially through the various readings like the Gita. The Gita only briefly mentions yoga a few times, but the main purpose is obviously to teach about the Self and the spiritual side that one is supposed to focus on while actively practicing through yoga and good service. It teaches about the emotional and mental state you need to develop, the three gunas that you need to be aware of and make sure not to lose yourself in, and detachment from material objects and earthly desires. They're all good life lessons in their own way, regardless of your belief, to help make yourself a better person and the world a better place.

Rain, Work, Rain, Stress...

Reading Reflection

I haven't gotten around to reading the second memoir yet, but I'm hoping to start on it soon so I can get a head start and don't wait until the last minute.
Still enjoying the Gita, and I like the quick explanations before each chapter. I wasn't expecting a good few chapters to be solely dedicated to explaining Krishna (Vishnu) and his power. He is literally EVERYTHING. One of the chapters was even basically just a long list of al the great beings throughout life that he actually was. It's a cool idea, though. In the Gita, he is the one and only all-powerful God, the sole creator and the only form of God to be worshipped. He made the world and every creature on it because he "desired companions", and he was, funny enough, compared to a child in that respect. This prolonged, reverential depiction of Vishnu as an all-powerful, all-knowing God that is a part of everything is a big part of the explanation why giving complete devotion and faith to him is an essential path towards true insight and eternal bliss with him after death.
I found it a really interesting concept to think about when the Gita mentioned that the content of the mind at the hour of death directs the soul in its journey to rebirth, and that whatever a person thinks about in life (greatest motivations) is likely to be their last thoughts when death comes. Of course, that meant in the book that you need to be thinking of and giving your last devotion to Vishnu, and to start spending time now worshipping him and making Vishnu your greatest motivation. It just got me to wondering what it is that people think about when they're about to die, what I'll be thinking about. It made me wonder how true it is that the most important things in your life up until the moment of death are the things that fill your mind when your time comes.

Class Reflection

Class has been enjoyable, like usual. Not sure if I mentioned this before, but when we first started the ritual of constantly changing our locations on the floor depending on various topics (like out favorite class and movie), I wasn't sure what to make of it. I was so used to my other classes where we're either assigned spots in class or we pick our own spots and silently claim them for the rest of the semester (kind of interesting how people have such a big desire to claim seats for themselves in class without being told to...). But it's entertaining coming up with favorites and sharing them with the rest of the class as we shift around. Along with changing up the yoga poses we do every time, switching around kind of helps the class not feel too settled, boring, and always the same, like some classes I've had. It feels very informal and friendly, if that's the right way to put it.

I had no idea there were that many ways to stretch and work out your feet. Those kinds of poses, plus the poses that helped us stretch our leg muscles, were surprisingly challenging, but I didn't hate them. I'm also surprised with the progress I made towards doing the splits, even though I obviously still have a long ways to go. Propping my head on the folded blanket helped my head not to feel as crushed as it did before while prepping for the headstand, too.

Outside of Class

There hasn't been too much going on outside of class, especially these past few days. The rain had made me sleepy and lazy, though I still like doing some poses that stretch out my spine, since it's never long before my back feels like it needs to be popped or stretched again.

In my other yoga class we did a normal flow on the first day but then tried out some new twisting poses and worked them into a flow. That yoga session along with our longer than usual session on Thursday tired me out physically, but in a good way! It has felt pretty nice with how stressful this week has been and how the next couple of weeks are going to be. I've been practicing some simple poses with the time I've had this past week, and I'll try some more that I've learned from this class and my other yoga class this week since I won't have much time at all for the next couple of weeks. I've been trying to work on my balance since I seem to have some trouble with being able to balance on only a single foot. I've been working on my tree pose, and some of the other poses from my other class, like stork pose and some others (can't remember their names right now, unfortunately...) I don't have any of the normal yoga props with me, so sometimes if I need something like them I make do with what I have around me (yay for scarves and blankets).
I'm starting to take notice of all the ways yoga is talked about and shown in social media, too, like in commercials and random posts on social media sites such as Twitter and Facebook. It really shows how wide-spread yoga is becoming in America today, though, from the looks of it, it is still being portrayed as more of a women's thing in America. My other yoga class is completely made up of girls, too, so I'm glad there are at least a few guys in my BIC yoga class willing to give yoga a shot (Go BIC!)

Gettin' Bendy...Sort of...

Reading Reflection

I've been enjoying the Gita so far, especially since it's not nearly as hard to understand as I was a little worried it might be. I'm not sure if I agree more with the idea that the story is supposed to be taken pretty literally or the idea that the story is actually a big metaphor for the internal battle. I just think it's cool that the story is able to be taken both ways, depending on what you want to get from it.

The whole idea of reincarnation has always been fascinating to me, and the idea of what you do in your current life affecting your reincarnation into the next life. Vishnu, unlike everyone else, is able to remember every form he has ever taken in his mission to help rid the world of evil. I have to wonder what we would be like if we really did go through reincarnation and then remembered every past life. How would it affect us? Would it make us wiser, more bitter about some things, or maybe make us want to try more things? Would you be excited or disappointed thinking about the beings you used to be and the things your past lives have done?

It is interesting thinking of the parallels between Vishnu and other religious, political, etc. figures that appeared or grew up in a time of conflict and helped to bring good, happiness, and/or equality to the world however they could. I remember Jesus being brought up during class as a religious parallel to Krishna saying he's a human form of God sent down to bring peace and order back to the world. Despite the differences, most major religions I've seen all have similar stories like this that happen at least once or twice.

Class Reflection

Class was pretty nice and interesting this week. We were able to learn some new restorative poses, one or two of which I'm probably going to try out again later. It's actually been a pretty good yoga week for me in general, for both of my yoga classes. Thursday's headstand yoga class was a little challenging, especially since I don't know if I'm capable of doing a good one yet. I keep getting worried I'll fall over or hurt myself (I have a problem with heights and the fear of falling that I guess reaches into going upside down...) Also, for some reason, the top of my head feels like it's being crushed and really hurts anytime I try to do something on my head, even when I try to put weight off of it or push up with my arms and shoulders. It just doesn't feel good at all. Maybe I just have an overly sensitive head, or something. Or I could just be doing it completely wrong. Both sound equally likely. Weirdly enough, we worked a little on backward bending poses during my other class this week as well. I never thought headstands were anything more than just cool tricks some people like to do, though, so it's interesting to learn they actually have benefits, too. I've really enjoyed learning about all the different benefits that the different poses do, since it helps me to focus on a select few if there's something on my body that I feel needs to be stretched on a particular day.

It's cool how we can sometimes get pretty into our discussions, since I've always liked discussing and listening to other people's ideas, even if it's sometimes a struggle to put myself out there and contribute.

Outside of Class

Nothing much has been going on outside of class. I've tossed in a few of the poses we've learned in class just to try them out by myself. I've tried some of the relaxation poses and techniques we've been learning about, and I did a little bit of yin yoga again the other day. It's not that bad, though there are a couple of poses that are kind of hard to hold for several minutes. Plus, at the end of a yin yoga session, we're supposed to roll over to your left "yin" side after corpse pose, something I'm not used to.

Two of my roommates enjoy yoga and used to do it, so they like when I talk about it. One of them even joined me when I was doing a few relaxation poses a few days ago, even though her dog kept getting in the way. As cute as she is, she doesn't understand personal space at all.

I also feel like I've been getting a little hungrier since starting yoga, and it's hard to keep myself from just snacking away for the rest of the day after I get home, especially since lately I've been battling a big desire to go on an ice cream binge. Need to keep my desires under control though, as hard as it might be because ice cream is delicious! Especially the new blasts you can get at Sonic, like the Waffleberry brownie blast. Even just talking about it makes me want to go get one. Controlling your desires and letting go of your attachments is a lot easier said than done, especially when it's so simple to just enjoy the quick and easy satisfaction. It's easier to enjoy bad foods you like in the moment than to make yourself eat better foods that you don't like as much for the long-term results.

That's just what makes following the sutras a challenge, though, going against your material human desires that you've grown up with. It does feel worth it, admittedly, to conquer the pull of some of your day to day desires.

It's Been a Lazy Weekend...Looking to Be a Lazy Week...

Reading Reflection

So, we've finally begun to read the Bhagavad Gita (had to make sure I spelled it right as I was typing), plus we've moved on to more sutras. I've been looking forward to getting started on the Gita and seeing what it's about. It's been interesting so far, and I like that each chapter is kind of explained a little beforehand, since I would be completely lost on who some of the characters are if they weren't there.

I was curious to see how war would be treated in this story, since the sutras (like in the 8 Limbs) have explained that things such as violence should be avoided. From what I got from Krishna's explanation, war is justified if it's a war against evil, and if you don't go into war or violence with anger, greed, or any negative intentions. It reminds me a bit about how there's debate in religions concerning pacifism or just war. Even if Arjuna's friends and relatives were to die, they would only be shedding their temporary skin, since the soul is immortal, so at this point it would only do harm to not fight against this evil and corruption. I kind of wondered about Krishna's talk about honor though. If it's only the good and pure immortal soul that matters, why would Krishna worry about Arjuna's reputation if he chose not to fight. I get that Arjuna maybe needs to set an example for future generations about the right thing to do in wars against evil and corruption such as this (whether they're external or internal/personal battles), but then I would think Arjuna's reputation and honor (what people think and say about him) in the earthly, material world should come really low on his list of worries (especially considering how much it's said in the sutras that one's ego needs to be tamed and let go of). So, why did Krishna mention it as a reason to fight in the middle of going on and on about how Arjuna needs to detach himself from such earthly, human emotions and desires? Maybe it's something I missed out on understanding, or it's simply a culture thing of the time...

I can understand Arjuna's initial grief, though. It would be horrible to have to potentially kill your loved ones, even if it was for a cause you felt was completely necessary and justified. It can't be an easy decision to make, so now it's Krishna's job to explain to him why the sacrifice is necessary.

Class Reflection

Class has been pretty normal. I had the day off this past Thursday, but before that we discussed the 8 Limbs of yoga, ate candy (always a good time), and learned some more stretches. I think I'm starting to slip up a little during the corpse pose and let my mind wander to other thoughts too much. Keeping myself focused and calm-minded takes effort, something I'm not really used to except when I'm trying to study. Even then it's sometimes difficult.

I'm glad that in this class we take the time to use props, try out stretches and simpler techniques before moving into the actual poses, and pause to explain sometimes. In my other class, we sometimes are told alternative poses we can do for some of the more demanding poses, but once we get into a flow or routine it can be a little hard for me to keep up at times. I don't really have that kind of problem in this class. It's also nice that we're learning and reading memoirs, sutras, and the Gita, too.

I think it would be kind of cool if there were days in class where we had a theme going, like a day where we focus only on more relaxing and stretchy poses, or just working on external rotation of the hips one day and then internal rotation the next day. But I'm also fine with our poses being a little scattered like we've been doing, since it never gets boring. I also like that we use more props in this class (such as the blankets and straps) to test out the limits of our bodies and prep for the poses. The eye pillows are always a plus, too, of course.

Outside of Class

This week is going to the first week in a good while where I don't have at least one exam and/or a project to worry about, so I'll have some more free time than usual to practice yoga outside of class, though I admittedly didn't really do anything productive aside from homework this weekend. It could just be me, but I actually do feel physically better than I used to, like when I'm walking or bending myself. I admit though, stairs are still my mortal enemy.

It's always fun seeing new poses in my other yoga class get introduced, and I recognize them because of this yoga class. There's some poses I've learned in the other class as well that I'm curious to see if they're going to come up in this class, too.
I think I'm going to start trying to evaluate and do something about some of the problems we talk about in the sutras, like avoidance and attachment. I think I have more problems with attachment than I do with avoidance. I do pretty well on a few of the 8 limbs, such as keeping from violence or unnecessary harm towards others. I don't like hurting people, or stirring up or getting involved in conflict. I don't think I could ever become a vegetarian or vegan, though, and I'm not about to let insects roam free and reproduce in my house. I can start with trying some of the more manageable day to day things, though. I need to work on my focus and breathing during yoga, too.
Trying to practice detachment in your everyday life is hard. It's so easy and comfortable to simply avoid things you don't like and stick to what gives you pleasure no matter the potential consequences. I honestly don't want to give up on a lot of things that I feel and do, but I'm willing to try to control them better and make them less detrimental to my life and personal health.

Yoga from the Inside Out

   I finally finished reading Yoga from the Inside Out, and I have to say, I really enjoyed reading it, especially since a lot of what she reflected on were emotions and thoughts that I've experienced during middle school, high school, and college.
   The kinds of topics about self-image that Christina Sell talked about were things I a lot of women have gone through and still go through. I even know of a few guys in my life that experience discomfort with themselves because of their friends and family, and society's depiction of the ideal body.
   "I assumed I would be more lovable if I stayed thin...I felt depressed, hopeless, unlovable, and scared of growing up." Her honest telling of her low self-esteem, and her endless difficulty with battling it really resonated with me. I never went as far as bulimia or becoming addicted to exercising, but then again I just simply hated eating myself sick, throwing up, and physical activity of just about any kind. That didn't stop me from beating myself up over my eating habits, lack of exercising, and my big stomach, hips, and thighs. Save a few rare times, I was hardly ever made fun of for my size, but I eventually realized during my freshman and sophomore year of high school that I didn't even need anybody attacking me for my size, looks, and habits - I did a good enough job of that to myself on my own. I've been more cruel to myself than most others probably ever could psychologically. I was the evil voice in my head constantly giving horrible answers to my sad questions of why people didn't want to date me or be my friend, even during times when I should have been happy with the close friends and loving family that I currently had. She experiences something similar to this when her yoga teacher during a workshop is being supportive instead of criticizing or yelling. "Since the teacher wasn't yelling, I could see more clearly how I was the one who was always yelling at me, and I was the person who was constantly criticizing my own efforts."
   I could respect how honest she was willing to be about the very things she considered shameful, like her bulimia. I also loved how she emphasized that you needed to be honest about all these problems and faults in order to begin to process of accepting them and yourself in order to love yourself. There are a number of ways to come to this realization and begin the slow, and honestly endless, process of fixing it, but she chose yoga as her passion and her way of connecting with the divine and her true self.
   Her depiction of society, which she calls the Sleeping World, was interesting and very true. From a young age, we're constantly exposed to media, marketing, and sometimes peer and family pressure that "holds us hostage to ideals for the human body that are unrealistic, often unhealthy, and founded on a lack of respect for our essential worthiness or goodness". Unless we simply decide to shut ourselves away in our houses or go out and live in a yurt in the forest as a hermit, we're going to be exposed to society's ideals and expectations of what everyone should look and act like, ironic in a nation of supposed individuality. This pushing for what industries say will make us happy can often have the opposite effect of depression and low self-esteem, when we realize that we can never meet those expectations, or simply don't want to, but by then we feel like we're worthless and unlovable if we're not pretty enough, handsome enough, tall enough, slim enough, etc. This is what Christina gets at when she's discussing the negative effects of the Sleeping World, and she explains it as part of the reason she was so hard on herself throughout the years.
   Plus, she's right when she says that as hard as it is to wage an external war against societal ideals, it's even harder to wage an internal war against the resulting ideals we make for ourselves. It's hardest, finally, to "face ourselves honestly", to acknowledge the way we naturally are and confront the negative thoughts we let stir and boil within us about these natural parts of us. She went through this kind of self-observation and self-acceptance with hatha yoga, where she learned to pay attention to her emotions and her body through poses, the yoga community, and the support of her yoga teacher and spiritual leader. She had to confront her damaged self-confidence and problems with body image and bulimia, something really hard to do since we, as humans, don't ever want to face and admit our faults, especially faults we can't do anything about (at least not without plastic surgery or other somewhat extreme methods of changing who we are). It's sad that we are given this idea of "perfection" and made to feel so utterly uncomfortable and unhappy with ourselves, and we fall into this mindset so easily, that we would rather surgically add and take parts away, resort to disorders and endless dissatisfaction, and more, instead of simply facing these demons, accepting them for what they are, and trying to love and nurture them for the kind of person they make you, perfect just as you already are.
   It goes into this idea that she brings up - because we see ourselves as faulty, unworthy, and unsatisfactory, we begin acting in a way that we think proves it's all true, and it reminded me of the idea of self-fulfilling prophecy, a term in psychology that essentially means this. Because we believe something or predict something will happen, we behave in a way that inevitably makes it come true, incorrectly causing us to think we were right all along and reinforcing us to continue believing it and acting that way. This kind of negative cognitive thought hurts groups and individuals in many ways, and it happens in many different disorders and just generally with problems of shyness, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
   Overcoming these kinds of damaging thoughts remains an ongoing practice, long after you finally acknowledge their existence and damaging effects. It's not something that can be resolved in a single day, no matter what you might hope or think about yourself. Like Christina explains, these kinds of thoughts and problems (such as bulimia and other disorders) will always come back in one way or another. The importance lies in how you handle them when they arise again and how much support you have during the hard times. She was right in emphasizing how important it is to have others who understand, support, and love you. It's honestly, to me, one of the best feelings in the world to know there are others like you or who at least completely understand what you're going through, and they want to help or be there for you no matter what. Through yoga, the support of the people around her, and a stronger relationship with the divine, Christina believes she has finally found a wonderful way to face these hardships and find peace within herself, and that's a fantastic thing. Because of yoga and this spiritual connection, she has learned many different ways to find confidence and peace in herself, such as wearing more revealing clothing, being more authentic and true to herself, saying yes to things she never would have had the confidence to say yes to in the past. I'm not yet sure about how yoga, and everything emotional and spiritual revolving around it, might be able to accomplish this within me, but then again I probably just haven't actually tried. And after all, I've only just begun.
   I'm not a religious person, but it still really hit me when, at one point, when she's talking about how we feel constantly pressured by society, friends, family, etc. to "fix" and "manicure" ourselves to fit into a narrow "ideal", she asks, "If we really knew that the Divine unconditionally loved us, would the concept of a "bad hair day" even make sense?" This question hit me really hard and even made me tear up a little, because, to me, that felt like the very base level of the problem behind the pain I and others I know have put ourselves through. If I felt completely loved and accepted as I was by everyone around me for once, or even just completely loved and accepted by the one person who actually mattered, then I'm sure I wouldn't feel so self-conscious and anxious about trying to appear pretty, and slim, and friend-worthy, and employable, and lovable. If I could be sure people weren't negatively judging me, and if I could just stop expecting everybody to negatively judge me, then I could finally feel a heck of a lot more confident and satisfied with myself than I do now.
   Christina found that unconditional love in the divine, and its his love that helps to reassure and strengthen her when she begins to doubt. The comfort and happiness that comes with that kind of realization, and later reassurance, is beautiful and wonderful, even during times when those evil thoughts try to rise up from the dead to whisper in your ear that there isn't anyone who truly likes all of you and why (it's amazing how many reasons one can come up with when you enter into that kind of downward spiral). I know I pretty much have that from my parents, my grandparents, and my childhood best friend, all of them amazing people who are very dear to my heart. However, there have been numerous times when it was hard to remember them, especially during times when other people you weren't expecting come into your life and succeed in cannonballing that safe fortress of self-confidence and happiness that you managed to build against the constantly invading bad thoughts, with the help of those who love and support you.
   But then, it's during times like those when you most need to reach out to and believe in those people who love and support you unconditionally and endlessly so they can be there for you and help you to rebuild, because, as Christina says, it takes many threads to weave a beautiful blanket. It's when you most need to reach within yourself to realize and accept the damage that has been done, pick up the burned and broken pieces you're afraid to touch, and find the power and self-love to build them back up even stronger than before. As Christina shows in her book, the unconditional love and reassurance of others (whether they are everyday people or the divine) and the unconditional love and reassurance of yourself (through whatever means makes you happiest and most fulfilled, whether it be yoga or something else) has that kind of empowering, fantastic, freeing strength. Despite being surrounded by people full of self-doubt and a society of dissatisfaction, this kind of strength forever brightens and changes your life for the better. And along the way, or maybe afterwards, you can begin to help others find their inner strength and light, and we can be one step closer to a stronger and better world (Sleeping and/or Divine) for everyone.

Breaking Shackles...

Reading Reflection

We finally finished How Yoga Works, and we've covered a lot of sutras by now. I've gotten started on the first book that we are supposed to blog about, which I'll get into in the memoir blog. How Yoga Works was an enjoyable and leisurely read that taught about yoga while telling a story about a unique protagonist. Some of the events in the plot were a little cliche and contrived, but for me that didn't take away from the story, and the book cast a very nice and hopeful image of what good yoga can do for both the individual and everyone else around that person. I also liked how there was a big emphasis on trying to be a good person with good intentions, and to be happy while hoping for the happiness of others. It's a big thing to want from so many people in the world, obviously, but it really would be nice if everyone could just be happy and get along for once.

I really do enjoy learning and discussing the sutras and learning the philosophy behind yoga. I want to learn about the spiritual part since I know it's important to yoga and its origins, and for delving into your inner self. I know some people do it purely for physical purposes and don't want anything else out of it, which is fine, but I really like experiencing a physical, emotional, and mental change all while learning, especially about things that are old and important in a culture. It's one of the reasons I don't regret being a part of BIC, since BIC classes have enabled me to learn about all kinds of places and cultures.

Class Reflection

So, this week I presented in class. I finished off the final chapters of How Yoga Works.  I've never been very good at leading groups or giving presentations, but it went pretty well overall! I stuck a bunch of questions into my fire shark's mouth (for no particular reason other than I found it fun to see people's reactions to it). I think a lot of people read the chapters ahead of time and so they forgot some parts of the reading, but it just gave me a chance to discuss those parts with everyone. Honestly, I'm just glad it's over with and that I did a good enough job.

We're also now starting to get a little more bendy and twisted with a couple of poses. We're still working a little on the headstand poses, and now we're beginning to prep for putting out foot behind our heads. Definitely still have a ways to go before I'm able to do that, but I did better than I thought I did! Besides these new poses, things have been going pretty smoothly with everything else. Since I started using the blocks, my downward-facing dogs have been better. Using the various props, like the blankets and strap, has also helped with a lot. I'm considering looking for some of my own props later this semester, or at least before next year since I won't be able to go to any yoga classes. Although, I might look into yoga classes in Waco if I find the time. I definitely at least intend to continue practicing yoga on my own afterwards.

Outside of Class

I haven't had as much time this week as I would have liked to practice outside of class, with exams and big assignments in my other classes. This weekend will be even busier. However, since in my other yoga class we've been going over different types of yoga, I've had a little fun in my free time with trying out, or just checking out, the different kinds of yoga out there alongside the poses we've been learning in the BIC yoga class. There are a lot more than I thought there would be, though a lot of yoga teachers like to put their own personal spins in their classes. I'll admit I'm most found of the types of yoga like relaxation yoga and yin yoga where the main focus is getting relaxed and stretched but also sometimes building up some strength and endurance alongside it.

Yin yoga was interesting for me in that I wasn't rushed to keep up with the pace, and I was able to properly bend and stretch everything out, but it proved a little difficult for me in some poses since I had to hold those poses for several minutes. I haven't tried the more difficult and demanding types of yoga, or ones like hot yoga, since I feel like I would just hurt myself or make myself miserable.

I've been evaluating the way I see and feel things as well, because of the class and what we're reading. I've also been considering my attachment and aversion to various things. Going to two yoga classes and practicing yoga on my own has been a battle against my aversion to physical effort and sweating. Before yoga started, I decided I was going to try to overcome my aversion to/fear of heights. During the summer, I managed to drum up the courage to walk across the Skywalk over the Grand Canyon, a big, open-air, U-shaped bridge with see-through floors. I was extremely nervous, barely managed to look down, and my legs felt shaky afterwards, but I did it, and I felt happy and stronger for it. Yoga has helped me want to continue trying to overcome and unshackle myself from the fears and pains in my life such as this, and to become stronger and more at peace with myself, something I've admittedly had trouble doing for several years now.