Waking...

   So, I finished reading Waking. Now that I know why it's called Waking, I have to say I really like the title choice. Very fitting. His waking was a very scary and life-changing kind of waking. I also found it very ironic that we're reading this before Thanksgiving, since that was the last dinner he had with his whole family before the tragedy. It makes you want to be grateful for who you have in your life that much more, makes you want to run home and hug everybody you love, just in case.
   I wasn't really sure what to expect from this book since I didn't look into it at all before starting. I knew it had something to do with paralysis since one of my classmates mentioned it briefly, but I had no idea it would be like this. I actually really liked this story. I've never read anything like this before. I was amazed at how well he described his experience, so even people who haven't had to deal with anything like this or know anybody who has gone through this should be able to understand the mindset and emotion of someone going through it. It wasn't something I could relate to, nor was it something that has ever happened to anybody I know. I've broken my arm and gotten into a car crash that flipped my truck, but I got out of both of those accidents relatively fine. In all honesty, with the way he describes it, it's definitely something I never want to experience. There were numerous times I felt a wave of sadness and dread while reading his descriptions of his experiences. His entire description of the numerous surgeries, the mind-numbing boredom in the hospital, all of the life-long problems and worries that he will now have to push through every day...the fact that he was able to summon up so much courage and meaning out of such tragedy is amazing.
   As amazing as his story is and how he managed to push through it all, even better is his description of the struggles he faced along the way, both the ones caused by factors he couldn't control and by problems he caused himself, such as when he got to cocky with his yoga poses. "My budding confidence, however, began to feed my ego." The ego is one of the big things the sutras warn us about, since it disrupts and damages your yoga efforts and your attempt to focus on the peaceful purity inside of you. It brings "violence" upon the body, as he explains when he gets prideful and pushes himself too far, and he accidentally breaks his leg and sets himself back again as a result. Every mistake and accident becomes a learning experience for him, which can set an example for any person reading this. We all make mistakes, large and small, and some of them arise out of our pride, which almost never ends well when we let it get carried away. All we can do is learn from these mistakes so we don't keep causing unnecessary harm to ourselves or others.
   Another part that I found really intriguing was when he was recovering in the hospital again in the Body Memories chapter. "So often my trauma had come when my guard was down, when I was trusting the world, when I was taking a nap...my body has been terrified, and I am grief-stricken that it has suffered silently for so long." These lines talk about so much with so little. It's a little unnerving to actually stop and think about all the times when something bad or scary happened when or because your guard was down. Despite trying to mentally separate from all of these times, his body never forgot, and it all came back to him when it just couldn't be held back anymore and forced him to finally listen to his body and deal with it. It was part of the overall process of connecting mind and body that yoga helped him to realize. It's part of the overall healing process, and healing "is not instantaneous. It is earned." He must experience the death of who he used to be, the death of his "life as a walking person", and he goes on to say that everyone goes through little deaths like these in their lifetime, when it is time shed the old and grow and change into the new. We're always changing, maturing, adjusting to life as we age. It is a very interesting way to look at life and death. As we live, parts of us die, so we can continue living.
   His take on what yoga gave him was different from the first memoir but still just as interesting and inspiring. through yoga, he learned to connect mind and body, to listen to the "silent" part of him that he had given up on for a long time out of anger, sadness, and fear of confronting it. It really is truly amazing what yoga and its teachings can do for all kinds of people. It helped him to become a stronger, wonderful person determined to help others with the same life-long issues he has had to battle. It made him a loving person who could be proud of who he is, and a person able to love and be proud of both of his sons later on, both the surviving son and the son who unfortunately dies prematurely. These are the kinds of life-changing trials that nobody ever asks for, and it is often how you react to them that defines you and the rest of your life, whether they are big events or issues that you at first think aren't worthy of consideration. Matthew shows just what someone can accomplish when you continue to react with true inner courage and determination, and that is awesome. "Without these difficulties, I would not be who I am."

Thanksgiving On the Way...

Class Reflection

Class this week was much more laid back, but very nice. On Tuesday, we got to meet the author of Yoga From the Inside Out. We all got to sit around in a circle, cuddle with our bolsters, and ask her questions. We got to have interesting talks about things like yoga in the air with silk scarves...that was something.

I also liked when she got to talking about the culture differences in people's perspectives, like when she went to India and realized that body ideals were different from the ideals that America perpetuates. It's a sad but true fact that out society puts thin pressures on the people living in it, and then that pressure results in women, and even some men, feeling horribly dissatisfied with themselves (starting from such a young age, too). Even if you don't end up developing a disorder such as bulimia or anorexia, you can still be left feeling self-conscious about your body image throughout your entire life. It's great that yoga has been able to help her with parts of that, though. I feel like it is kind of helping me in some ways, too. I'm comfortable with doing yoga in a room of other guys and girls, and I never would have dared to wear yoga pants before this semester either.

Thursday was also great since it was completely dedicated to relaxation poses. This week was really tiring for me with an exam and big essay and another essay proposal, and Thursday was one of those days where I just wanted to go home and collapse in bed. I feel like it was that way for most of the others in class, too. It was a bit harder than usual to relax my mind that day, I'll admit, since it was all over the place with worries about things I needed to get done, but the calmness of class that day did help. I was able to get some work done in the morning, take a break to do yoga, and then go home feeling more rejuvenated and ready to get the rest of my work done!

Outside of Class

I already mentioned this in my class reflection, but I had an exam, a big essay for that same class due, and another essay's proposal due, along with the regular class homework for that week. I power-read through some of the readings for my other classes the week before so I would have more time to study and write. It helps with my focus on important things if I'm able to get everything else out of the way first. It feels sort of the same with yoga, in that if I have other things that I'm worrying about on my mind I find it hard to calm down and focus on what's important in that moment (in the case of yoga, the important thing is focusing inward and on the poses).

There isn't too much going on otherwise, though. In my other yoga class, we went through a flow that was really challenging and tired me out. I felt very worked-out, which admittedly felt pretty nice in the end, but I probably wouldn't want to do it again, or I would at least want to take a few poses out. During the second class we got to talking about chakras, which I had actually learned about before from a friend a couple of years back who was really into the idea of chakras and spiritual energy flowing throughout us and everything else in the world.

I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving break since I get time off from class, get to see my family and dogs (my dogs are just the best at making me calm and happy, and they don't even have to try), and get to eat a big delicious Thanksgiving dinner. I need the breather for a few days before finals come around. I hope everyone else has a great Thanksgiving break and gets to spend time with their family as well!

Good Changes are Happening...

(More prints, because why not)

Reading Reflection

"These disturbances are disease, idlenesss, doubt, carelessness, sloth, lack of detachment, misapprehension, failure to attain a base for concentration, and instability. They are distractions for the mind."

"Suffering, dejection, trembling, inhalation, and exhalation, accompany the distractions."

The sutras 1:30-39 talk about all the different distractions that you can suffer from. They can end up affecting you emotionally, physically, and mentally. These distractions keep you from focusing, one of the key aspects of yoga.
There are all kinds of ways for you to overcome these kinds of distractions. For problems with focusing, you can try focusing in on a certain object or calm thought. Developing compassion and friendliness towards others can also clear your mind of negativity. It is suggestions like this one that can be applicable to real life mental health, even if you don't believe in the teachings of the sutras. Maintaining a constant negativity towards everyone and everything around you, whether it is out of jealousy, bias, or anything else, isn't going to help you feel like a better person or make you happier in the long run.
Other ways you can practice control over these distractions and maintain a stable mind are through proper breathing, freeing your mind from pain, detaching yourself from unnecessary desires, meditation, and knowledge attained from dreams and sleep. All of these seem like reasonable ways in yoga to practice your control and focus inward. Freeing your mind from pain, particularly emotional pain, can be really hard to do at times. It's hard to fight strong sadness or anger when they coil around you and drag you down, but if you manage to free and soothe your mind from them, you can really feel the emotional and mental benefits and finally begin to be at peace with yourself. Advocation of detachment from desires has been mentioned in the other sutras we've read, so the reason behind it is rather clear by this point. If you're distracted by material and physical desires, it's going to be hard to calm down and focus on anything. Even so, as obvious as it is, practicing detachment is easier said than done, that's for sure.

Class Reflection

Class this week has been pretty fun. The slight pressure and soreness I was feeling at the top of my back is all gone now because of my yoga classes. I think it was just worked out with us trying more and harder poses this week. Even despite working on it a little outside of class, I still have problems with balancing properly. At least I'm able to put my foot higher up on my thigh now. I always love it when I notice little improvements like that, and ones such as being able to do better downward dogs without the blocks and being able to bend down further than before. It makes the fun I'm having with yoga feel even more worth it to see actual results bit by bit.
It really is one of the best things about class for me, listening to everyone else laugh, groan, and make jokes while we do the poses, even if it is distracting us from calming our minds and focusing in on the self. It's just funny hearing some of the others complain without really meaning it since we all seem to be having a good time in the end. Some of them even talk before and after class about continuing yoga after the semester is over or trying to find some of the yoga props online.
It's nice revisiting some of the poses that we explored way at the beginning of the semester, like the poses that stretched our hamstring and the ones that required us to use our arms and wrists. It reminded me that there are some things I still need to work on.

Outside of Class

There's nothing too exciting or noteworthy going on outside of class. I practiced some yoga with my roommate again. For the most part, it was accomplished without her dog interfering too much. We mostly just stuck with the simpler poses since she hasn't done yoga in a good while. Of course, just like everyone else, she loved corpse pose the most.
We've started on inversions in my other yoga class now. She showed the class how to do crow pose, shoulder stand, and head stand. Anybody who was willing was able to practice it on their own against the wall and/or with someone to help them. There was one girl near my mat who was scared of being upside down but still wanted to try, so another girl helped her lift her legs. As soon as she was up in the air, she freaked out (I guess a mix of excitement and fear...) and screamed bloody murder before almost falling over sideways. Everyone in the room was startled, and then she just curled up on the floor and fell into a giggling fit when everyone started laughing. It was almost more fun watching other people try it out for the first time than trying it out for myself.
I think I'm starting to feel a bit more energetic as the weather gets cooler, since I love cold and crisp weather, so I get to go outside, walk around, and enjoy and relax more often lately. Also, right now, I'm really looking forward to getting next week's classwork out of the way and enjoying Thanksgiving break.

The Sutras

"Now, the teachings of yoga are presented.

Yoga is the stilling of the changing states of mind.

When that is accomplished, the seer abides in its own true nature.

Otherwise, at other times, the seer is absorbed in the changing states of the mind."

   These are the four beginning sutras fromThe Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. They were out introduction to the yoga class and a quick explanation about what is meant to be accomplished through yoga. During yoga, we stop our constant thinking over the past, present, and future, calm our desires and stress. As a college student, I'm always worrying over things that have happened and things that might happen, so that was one of the reasons I decided to take yoga. I wanted to find a way to take a breath, relax, and focus on doing something good for me. With yoga, all the stressful, distracting, or unhappy "changing states" are stilled as you "abide in [your] own true nature".

   As we continued reading about the sutras, we learned more about what yoga involved and about the various states within ourselves and around us that we needed to learn to control in order to focus on yoga and improve ourselves. The five vrttis that we learn about initially are sleep, imagination, memory, error, and knowledge. Sleep, of course, is something that you want a healthy amount of but not in excess. Sleeping too little, too much, or in a weird schedule can prove detrimental to your health, your focus, and your practice of yoga. I've had problems with being a light and sometimes unrestful sleeper and not feeling tired until early in the morning (which obviously doesn't work with everyday class and work schedules), so I have to resort to sleeping pills and have even tried using some relaxation poses lately in an effort to ensure I don't stay up too late and actually get a good sleep. Imagination is dreams, aspirations, the creative spark behind so many books, movies, games, and more. Even then, there's the kind of imagination that you can get stuck in to the point of being deluded about yourself, others, and situations. Delusional imagination is harmful and distracts you from reality and self-awareness (the kind that yoga should help you with). Error is false and biased thoughts, with knowledge being its better opposite. Ignorance can distract us and keep us from knowledge and the truth about ourselves and the things around us.

   We then learn in further sutras that practice and dispassion are two really important aspects of yoga and connecting with the inner self. You have to become determined and devote yourself to yoga practice in order to receive its long-term benefits. Even from only this semester so far, me practicing yoga had resulted in me feeling physically and emotionally better. Even though it was a little hard at first, yoga practice is meant to be "cultivated", so you should keep trying and concentrating. Even through the harder poses that definitely make you want to drop and give in. I'm still working on my laziness, but even trying to change myself just a little in that aspect gives me a great feeling when I start to notice the changes. Dispassion has been and still is the hardest for me for some things, such as abstaining from unhealthy foods and from spending too much time at home on my laptop. Emotional attachments and physical desires are hard to fight off once they've become a secure part of your life, even if they aren't good for you in the long-run.

   We later read sutras discussing ignorance, ego, attachment, and aversion, and how they can prove to be detrimental to you and your practice of yoga. Ignorance is called the "breeding ground" of the others, since it is what causes false and harmful thoughts, actions, and other bad things throughout the world. Even worse sometimes is willful ignorance, refusing to accept the truth or try to better yourself or your situation because you prefer the way you think and are in the moment. It's easy to want to accept ignorance if the truth might hurt for a while or if recognizing your bias or error means you were the wrong one all along. However, along with potentially hurting others with ignorance, you're inner self will be the one to suffer for it as well. Luckily, you are always able to bring yourself out of this kind of thinking.

   Attachment and aversion can also be particularly hard to keep under control. Aversion is hard simply because nobody wants to do things that might be irritating, painful, or scary at first. It's just easier to run away or avoid the situation, but that won't help you in the long-run. Don't be afraid to take chances, don't avoid a phobia because it is scary at first, don't avoid yoga poses because they're hard, etc. For attachment, being around and doing certain things or people make you really happy, and it's only human nature to want to be happy. However, depending too much on something or someone else for your happiness negatively affects other parts of your life and makes you feel worse when you're deprived of whatever you're clinging to. You lose focus of yourself and you lose self-reliance. You forget to focus inward and realize that, most of all, you can find happiness in yourself. I myself have had to learn the hard way that there honestly isn't a way for material things to give me the happiness and self-esteem I really need, even when I feel like I'm too dissatisfied with myself to be happy. Close friends are great support and do brighten your day, but in the end they're not going to be able to make you feel at peace and content with yourself, so it isn't a good idea to start trying to depend on them for that. It's not fair to you or to them.

   In the end, all of the things that the sutras warn you about are all human tendencies, and that is exactly why they're so hard to fight and control. Most of these are things that come naturally to you, whether they're actually good or bad for you. They're all things that only you yourself can cause and that only you are responsible for. Even normally fine things like sleep, memory, attachment, and imagination, when left unchecked and allowed to negatively influence you and consume your life, can prove harmful to you in numerous ways throughout life. That's why so many people say that you are your own worst enemy. There have been times in the past where some of these things have led to me damaging my inner self that I work so hard to take care of and build up into something that I can love and respect, which is hard enough on its own. The sutras just help you to become all the more aware of them and more aware of your Self, regardless of whether you even want to follow the sutras religiously or not. Whether you practice yoga alongside the sutras or not, at the very least they can help teach you the various ways you can work towards making your life and internal state better, in a way that works best for you.

The Weather Sure Is Nice...

(Couldn't find any good cartoons, so here's some pretty Japanese prints...)

Reading Reflection

We haven't been reading much over the past week. We finally finished up the Gita, and blogged about it last week. Aside from the second memoir, we don't really have any other big readings to focus on, from the looks of it. The couple of chapters talk about the three gunas more at length. Sattvic faith, rajasic faith, and tamasic faith, and how they are different form one another. Sattvic, of course, is considered the most pure, though according to Krishna everybody has their own faith and ways of displaying it.
He also, for some weird reason, lists the kinds of foods that the three types tend to prefer. The main reason behind this, I imagine, is the idea that we, as bodies holding and nurturing out souls, are supposed to take proper care of ourselves in every way, including food. Again, of course, the sattvic people are the only ones who nurture their bodies with the right kinds of foods.
I found it interesting that Krishna actually doesn't recommend renouncing yourself from the rest of the world and everyone you know and withdrawing out into the middle of nowhere. Krishna thinks that it is better for one to remain involved with and surrounded by life but remaining capable of staying above all bad desires and influences. I can see the sense in that. It shows a perspective that you might have a stronger and purer will if you can stay involved with your friends, family, and society but still remain pure and faithful to Krishna. I can see the sense and importance in wanting to remain involved with the world, and also in wanting to just distance yourself from temptations for a while (for some people, that might be necessary).

Class Reflection

I like that we've kind of got themes or plans set up now for each class,  though I still have a hard time remembering a good few the pose names, especially their sanskrit names. Last Tuesday's class was fun since we got to try and practice a bunch of different poses. I don't think I actually mind the handstand too much, it's just that I have problems getting myself upright into position.
I was really glad I was able to make my butt reach the ground between my legs on Tuesday as well, since I honestly didn't think I would be able to do it.
For some reason, lately, the top of my back or spine (particularly the right side, I guess) is starting to hurt, though usually it's only in the morning after I wake up. I'm not sure if I caused it or am still doing something to cause it, but I think it helps sometimes when I stretch it out a little and move it around. I'm feeling it right now, actually. Nothing else has been complaining, though! Yoga has actually made me feel a little better in general.
It's weird knowing we only have a few weeks of class left. This semester has gone by really fast...
I'm definitely going to keep up with yoga after this, since I like what it has done for me so far. Hopefully I can get a bolster sometime soon, too.

Outside of Class

Nothing too exciting or noteworthy is happening outside of class. Like I suspected the last blog or two, I haven't have nearly as much time as I usually do because of exams and essays, though there was one day this past weekend where I just took an entire day off from everything and relaxed. I slept in late, ate whatever I wanted, and actually took time in the late afternoon to do some yoga poses since I figured that day was as good as any.
I wasn't really sure what to do, so I just went with practicing some of the balance poses some more, the warrior poses, and than I watched the yin yoga video from earlier this semester. I liked it the first time, and I still liked it the second time. It's about an hour long and goes at a nice leisurely pace that I can easily keep up with. Some of the poses are a bit hard to hold and endure for several minutes, but it's still nice. I still find it interesting that the instructor tells people to roll over onto their left side and get up at the end, since that is the "yin" side, especially since I'm so used to always rolling over to my right.

Luckily I'm in between busy weeks right now so I'll have more time for other things like yoga practice. The weather has been really nice lately, too, so I've been able to go outside and enjoy myself more.