So, I finished reading Waking. Now that I know why it's called Waking, I have to say I really like the title choice. Very fitting. His waking was a very scary and life-changing kind of waking. I also found it very ironic that we're reading this before Thanksgiving, since that was the last dinner he had with his whole family before the tragedy. It makes you want to be grateful for who you have in your life that much more, makes you want to run home and hug everybody you love, just in case.
I wasn't really sure what to expect from this book since I didn't look into it at all before starting. I knew it had something to do with paralysis since one of my classmates mentioned it briefly, but I had no idea it would be like this. I actually really liked this story. I've never read anything like this before. I was amazed at how well he described his experience, so even people who haven't had to deal with anything like this or know anybody who has gone through this should be able to understand the mindset and emotion of someone going through it. It wasn't something I could relate to, nor was it something that has ever happened to anybody I know. I've broken my arm and gotten into a car crash that flipped my truck, but I got out of both of those accidents relatively fine. In all honesty, with the way he describes it, it's definitely something I never want to experience. There were numerous times I felt a wave of sadness and dread while reading his descriptions of his experiences. His entire description of the numerous surgeries, the mind-numbing boredom in the hospital, all of the life-long problems and worries that he will now have to push through every day...the fact that he was able to summon up so much courage and meaning out of such tragedy is amazing.
As amazing as his story is and how he managed to push through it all, even better is his description of the struggles he faced along the way, both the ones caused by factors he couldn't control and by problems he caused himself, such as when he got to cocky with his yoga poses. "My budding confidence, however, began to feed my ego." The ego is one of the big things the sutras warn us about, since it disrupts and damages your yoga efforts and your attempt to focus on the peaceful purity inside of you. It brings "violence" upon the body, as he explains when he gets prideful and pushes himself too far, and he accidentally breaks his leg and sets himself back again as a result. Every mistake and accident becomes a learning experience for him, which can set an example for any person reading this. We all make mistakes, large and small, and some of them arise out of our pride, which almost never ends well when we let it get carried away. All we can do is learn from these mistakes so we don't keep causing unnecessary harm to ourselves or others.
Another part that I found really intriguing was when he was recovering in the hospital again in the Body Memories chapter. "So often my trauma had come when my guard was down, when I was trusting the world, when I was taking a nap...my body has been terrified, and I am grief-stricken that it has suffered silently for so long." These lines talk about so much with so little. It's a little unnerving to actually stop and think about all the times when something bad or scary happened when or because your guard was down. Despite trying to mentally separate from all of these times, his body never forgot, and it all came back to him when it just couldn't be held back anymore and forced him to finally listen to his body and deal with it. It was part of the overall process of connecting mind and body that yoga helped him to realize. It's part of the overall healing process, and healing "is not instantaneous. It is earned." He must experience the death of who he used to be, the death of his "life as a walking person", and he goes on to say that everyone goes through little deaths like these in their lifetime, when it is time shed the old and grow and change into the new. We're always changing, maturing, adjusting to life as we age. It is a very interesting way to look at life and death. As we live, parts of us die, so we can continue living.
His take on what yoga gave him was different from the first memoir but still just as interesting and inspiring. through yoga, he learned to connect mind and body, to listen to the "silent" part of him that he had given up on for a long time out of anger, sadness, and fear of confronting it. It really is truly amazing what yoga and its teachings can do for all kinds of people. It helped him to become a stronger, wonderful person determined to help others with the same life-long issues he has had to battle. It made him a loving person who could be proud of who he is, and a person able to love and be proud of both of his sons later on, both the surviving son and the son who unfortunately dies prematurely. These are the kinds of life-changing trials that nobody ever asks for, and it is often how you react to them that defines you and the rest of your life, whether they are big events or issues that you at first think aren't worthy of consideration. Matthew shows just what someone can accomplish when you continue to react with true inner courage and determination, and that is awesome. "Without these difficulties, I would not be who I am."
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